People often perceive expectations as a form of pressure to do something they never agreed to, and probably don’t want to do. Left unmet, these uncommunicated expectations, no matter how small, can tear personal relationships apart.

Expectations have a bad reputation because sometimes expectations are made by one person without telling the other. Calling someone out for failing to meet an undisclosed expectation will make them feel rightfully sideswiped. This causes many to avoid making and meeting expectations.

Within the structure of operating a business, communicated expectations are essential to success. They’re the foundation of every successful project. Expectations provide the transparency and specificity needed to avoid feeling sideswiped by differences in the way people operate. For example, you might want a client to work with you in a way that falls outside of their normal routine. You might naturally assign a specific date and time to promised deliverables, while your client is used to vague deadlines like, “sometime next week.”

Deadlines are serious business. Missed, non-existent, and unclear deadlines are leading causes of postponed projects and failed marketing strategies. When deadlines are missed, there’s often a feeling of defensiveness from the person who missed the deadline. It’s difficult to smooth out a relationship when one party feels defensive.

Don’t wait for a misunderstanding to learn that you and your client are operating under two different paradigms. Set clear expectations in the beginning by having a conversation about what you expect from each other. Client relationships work smoothly when expectations (like project goals and payment arrangements) are mutually agreed upon.

Unmet expectations decrease dopamine and trust

Author David Rock, director of the NeuroLeadership Institute, explained to the New York Times that dopamine is released in the brain when something positive happens. When an expectation is met, “there’s a pleasant release of dopamine, and a general feeling of well-being,” he said.

Rock says an unmet expectation causes levels of dopamine in the brain to drop and sends out a message of danger or threat. In other words, your brain responds to an unmet expectation as if you’re in real danger.

In client relationships, failing to set expectations up front with your clients puts everyone in a position to become disappointed later on. When a client doesn’t meet your expectations, or you don’t meet theirs, the person who becomes disappointed will experience a significant drop in dopamine. That decrease in dopamine will make them feel bad about the relationship, and trust will be diminished.

Effectively set your expectations

Set your expectations early and often. Gently remind clients of your expectations when they veer off track or start operating outside the parameters of your agreement.

• Model your expectations from day one. Conduct your first meeting, whether it’s in person or over the phone, exactly as you want all future meetings to go. Be on time, and acknowledge your client for being on time (or for being late) to let them know you’re paying attention.
• Be aware that expectations get set unintentionally by example. For instance, say a client misses a deliverable and they don’t voluntarily commit to a new deadline (and you don’t give them one, either). By example, you’ve set the expectation that missed deliverables don’t need a new deadline. This leaves things up in the air and will strain your relationship with frustration.
• Be specific. When a client misses a deadline, instead of saying, “that’s okay, get it to me as soon as possible,” ask, “when can you recommit to getting me the deliverable?” Don’t end the conversation until they give you a new date and time.
• Express how much you value communication. Let your client know that if they’re going to be late for a meeting or miss a deadline, you expect them to tell you as soon as possible. Tell them you need to know so you can make other plans if necessary.
• Be generous. Let them know if they make a mistake it’s not the end of the world, and you value their honesty above all. At the beginning of the relationship, thank them for being willing to be a trusted partner in the project. Generously extend your gratitude for their willingness to be on time, be honest, and work with you to resolve any issues.

Implicit expectations cause the most trouble

There are two types of agreements – implicit (implied) and explicit (specifically stated). Most unmet expectations are implicit; expectations that were never specifically communicated but assumed. Many times, people aren’t consciously aware of the implicit expectations they hold until they find themselves disappointed when the expectation wasn’t met.

Implicit expectations create messy relationships when left unchecked. The feeling of being let down is real, even when no explicit agreement has been made.

Self-employed people are the most prone to creating complicated, tangled relationships with clients over implicit expectations. Secondary to constantly changing project scopes, not setting explicit expectations for payments is often the cause for those difficult relationships.

It’s not easy wearing all the hats in a business, and unless you’ve been a bill collector, it’s hard to know how hard to push your clients to pay up. When a client doesn’t pay by the due date on the invoice, if you’re too demanding, they’ll cut ties, leaving you high and dry. You also can’t be too understanding or you’ll get walked on.

At the beginning of every relationship, set the expectation that invoices will be paid on time or they’ll be subject to a late fee. Let them know you’re going to send them an invoice X number of days prior to the due date. Be your word and stick to that schedule. Get your clients to respond to payment requests faster by sending consistent, professional invoices as you agreed to do in the beginning. Clients may not want to part with their money, but when you show up for them, they’ll be more likely to show up for you.

Meeting client expectations makes the project more valuable in their eyes

To meet a client’s expectations, you have to get them to tell you what they expect. If their expectations remain secret, you’re going to disappoint them unintentionally.

Meeting client expectations is to your advantage since research shows that clients value a project less when their expectations are not met. This makes sense, but clients have unstable expectations that are often difficult to meet. For example, while a project is underway, many clients insist on introducing changes and additions almost up to its time of delivery. Ignoring client requests for change creates disappointment. It’s a tough situation that can be avoided by being clear in the beginning about how ongoing changes will be handled.

Managing client expectations during a project is an ongoing task, and some expectations can’t be laid out in full view ahead of time. Certain types of projects lend themselves to a growing list of expectations the client reveals along the way. Those types of projects take great skill to manage.

Expectations will evolve

Be aware that a client’s expectations of a project can change over time without your knowledge. A client won’t always tell you what’s on their mind. You’ve got to communicate with your clients to keep them aligned with the project and adjust any unrealistic expectations they’ve developed. This requires a mutual sharing of information through regular discussions.

Set clear expectations even for common sense

It seems self-explanatory that a client ought to arrive at a 5-o-clock meeting at exactly five, but unless you explicitly set the expectation, you’ll have plenty of late clients.

Without an agreement in place, your late clients will resent and resist your request to be on time.

Imagine running a business for three years before telling your clients you expect them to show up to meetings on time. In three years, many will have developed a comfortable habit of arriving five, ten, or even twenty minutes late. You’ll have an extremely difficult time breaking that habit. After three years, being asked to show up on time is going to feel like a slap in the face to them.

Relationships thrive on early and explicit expectations

Ideally, all parties should transparently lay out their expectations in the beginning. For example, before hiring a contractor, a business should communicate what they expect from that contractor in terms of timely communication, honesty, and how they’re going to pay their invoices. If the business expects the contractor to communicate potential delays the moment they become aware of it, that needs to be a set expectation as well.

Expectations determine experience

There’s no excuse for setting expectations and then failing to deliver on the promise, but there is evidence that expectations alone are enough to generate an experience. The placebo effect demonstrates this perfectly. People who believe they’re taking an effective drug are given a sugar pill instead, and yet they experience the effects expected of the real drug.

Uncommunicated expectations don’t belong in business

If someone fails to meet the expectations agreed to, you only need to remind them of their agreement. Without a prior agreement, calling someone out for can turn messy. Be clear about your expectations to avoid unnecessary resent. Regularly monitor your clients to make sure their expectations don’t stray too far. A client relationship founded on clarity and trust will last for many years.